


We Escaped the Doom

by ermengarde



Category: Bandom, My Chemical Romance
Genre: Gen
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-03-15
Updated: 2013-03-15
Packaged: 2017-12-05 09:29:23
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 452
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/721510
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ermengarde/pseuds/ermengarde
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>In which Gerard is not the Mother of Dragons and Brian just wants a nap.</p>
            </blockquote>





	We Escaped the Doom

**Author's Note:**

> I don't even know. I am of the general opinion that the universe should give people dragons and unicorns in exchange for also giving them bad shit, but why I felt the need to write this is entirely beyond me (someone else is currently writing MUCH BETTER MUCH MORE DRAGONY fic than this), but anyway, I quite like this little bit of nonsense, so I'm sharing it :).

"Gerard, you are not the mother of dragons."

Gerard pouted. "I could be."

Sometimes Gerard made Brian's brain hurt. "No. No you couldn't. Firstly, you're not a woman."

"That's sexist."

Brian closed his eyes and took a deep breath in through his nose. "You are not physically able to bear children."

"Dragons come in eggs."

"You also don't have an ovipositor." Brian could see Gerard take a breath to make another argument. "Or a cloaca, I've seen your dick."

That seemed to confuse Gerard, which Brian decided to count as a win. He could be disturbed about why he _knew_ all this shit later on. One day he was going to manage a band who weren't also a bunch of gigantic nerds and all he'd need to know about would be venues and navigation and hookers and blow. That would be _so much easier_. "It means you _can't_ have a single orifice, through which you'd also bear eggs, unless you're trying to tell me you squeeze them out through your dick?"

Gerard winced and crossed his legs. Brian was definitely winning. 

"No, but," Gerard waved his arms around. "I just need to _find_ them, and keep them warm until they hatch and then they're _my_ baby dragons." Gerard grinned at him, wide and happy, like he'd just solved world hunger. 

"They'd eat your hamsters."

"No they won't." Gerard pouted again. "I don't have my hamsters yet and anyway, I have that cage."

"Dragons breathe fire; a hamster cage would be no match for them."

"My dragons will be brought up right. They can eat..." Gerard gestured, "Cows and things."

Brian had a headache. "Gerard, you know dragons aren't real, right, this isn't another Mikey-and-the-unicorns thing, is it?"

Gerard kicked him. There was a ban on unicorn talk. "They _should_ be, and they should be mine." Gerard nodded decisively. "I know how to look after them."

"Gerard, you barely know how to look after _yourself_."

Gerard huffed.

"When was the last time you ate a vegetable?"

Gerard looked thoughtful. "Umm. Like, Monday? Or Saturday, maybe?"

"And the last time you showered?"

"It's _hard_ on tour. That's hardly a fair measure." Gerard looked outraged.

"Frank's managed to shower at least four times since the last time your head saw water."

Gerard snickered.

"Also you're a _child_. Jesus! No baby dragons for you, Way."

"Awh but...."

"No. No fantasy animals for any member of the Way family until they can prove that they're capable adults. It's a new rule."

Gerard crossed his arms and huffed. Brian smiled, _finally_ , he'd managed to get Gerard to be nicely, quietly, pissy. _Perfect_. Brian closed his eyes and tried to get back to the nap that Gerard had interrupted.


End file.
